You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
this beer tastes like vomit already
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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