apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
