I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize