I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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