you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
