U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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