dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
