He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
