It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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