Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
