Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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