Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
