get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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