I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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