i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
