I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
