i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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