I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
