Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
