Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
