When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
