Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
