my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
