Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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