3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
