When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
