The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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