its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
