one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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