You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
