no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize