return my video game
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
