I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
