I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
