I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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