it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just google imaged poop.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize