I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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