i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize