and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
