That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We're too hungover to prance.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
