my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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