ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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