What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
