...so i touched it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
