Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
