My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do vagina's smell?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
