I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
