just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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