Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
