Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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