did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
