just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
