Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
