There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
