When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
