you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
