why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
