this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize