I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
