dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
