Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
