I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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