love makes seman taste better
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
