You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
