I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
