ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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