Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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