I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
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