were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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