Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
