I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize