Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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