Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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