tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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