I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
