Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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