i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
