You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
