so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize