jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
