when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
