Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
