he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
