Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
